she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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