I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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