idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
