she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
