I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
