it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Randomize
