You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
