im holly from the hills drunk
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
