i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
