i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
