i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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