When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
