well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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