dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
