My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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