Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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