We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
