he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mom said you looked used
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need a beard to bite.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
