you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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