Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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