I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
