Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
