I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
