It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
