Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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