checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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