batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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