does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
