I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
