i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
