I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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