Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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