he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
