He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
