Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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