a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
