the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
