I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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