ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
