I'm eating all of the evidence.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my shit smells like andre
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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