you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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