Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
