she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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