I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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