I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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