a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
