I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
