White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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