I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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