im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
