Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
