the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
