Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
