Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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