Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
