Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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