Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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