god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
