he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
