Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
