dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
