I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
