can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it hurts more in the daytime
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
