think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
