She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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